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~PensAndNeedles:iconPensAndNeedles:

Behind the hatred there lies...  

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  • Deviant since Oct 20, 2006, 10:57 AM
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Dead Ends.

Journal Entry: Wed May 14, 2008, 9:08 AM
  • Mood: Unheard
Mental Health can't section him or send somebody around for an assesment unless he's been violent. Inferred violence doesn't count. They agreed that he's on the edge of flipping. The day he flips could be my last. Nobody sees the severity, nobody realises that waiting is the hardest part and nobody listens. Nobody pauses to think that I don't eat three meals a day. Nobody realises that i'm living under constant anxiety. Everyone tells me to be strong and carry on. How fucking long do I have to carry on for before somebody does something?
Every time one of us picks up a finger to try and better this situation we face more dead ends. You can't feed three people on £100 a month, plus menial tax credits. Job Seekers Allowance has run out. My mother can't claim income support cause my dad earns too much. They don't understand that we don't see a penny of it. We can't prove that, so therefore we get nothing. She wen't for an interview a few months ago and got a job, but she can't start it until the person currently holding the position hands in her notice. If she knew what getting this job was resting on for us, she might hurry the fuck up and hand it in. And even then, she'll have to work a month to get any money. And that still doesn't get Mr im-crazy-and-you-cant-do-nothing-about-it-until-i-kill-you out of our house.
How about leaving? What a nice idea, unfortunately we'd already thought of that one too, but you can't leave unless you have somewhere to go, which we haven't. She's got no living relatives and this is her family home. Sure, there are refuges and bed and breakfast's for help cases, but you can't shack up in one of those either unless you're under threat. And inferred violence doesn't count.
I have GCSE exams this week, next week. I don't even know when they are. That's how much I care now. Revise? How am I supposed to revise if I can't think? How am I supposed to think if I've had no sleep and nothing to eat? How do I sleep to the sound of keys jangling and the ripping of selotape 20 times a night and knowing there is a man hauled up in a room across the hall with a hammer under his pillow? And where the hell am I supposed to get food with no god damn money?
Now tell me to concentrate on my exams.
In an attmept to be a normal father he'll bring me in a gift, a CD, a DVD, I don't even know what it is, I'll put it on the shelf and won't look at it again. I won't question why he's bought me a piece of menial plastic when i'm starving. I won't remind him that yesterday he told me he had no money. I won't hit him over the head with it or rip into him or tell him I hate him, although i'm not sure why. He might as well be blind because like everyone else, he doesn't see it, you can tell him a thousand times but he won't hear it, and no matter how hard you try to get through to him he doesn't and will never understand what his mere presence is doing to the inside of my head.

Devious Information

  • Current Age: Old enough to love another yet young enough to hate myself.
  • Current Residence: The outer shell of London, England.
  • Favourite band or musician: Alkaline Trio, Bright Eyes, Evans Blue.
  • Favourite genre of music: It provokes feeling. Something of lyrical masterpiece.
  • Operating System: Windows XP
  • Tools of the Trade: Memory.

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Devious Comments

~Mulan209:iconMulan209: 2 days 14 hours ago
thank you very much for the fav on 'hair'....
~reddiva:iconreddiva: 6 days 4 hours ago
hey!
thanks for the fav - much appreciated :D

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~white-angel-ariah:iconwhite-angel-ariah: May 4, 2008, 9:04:34 AM
Thanks for the fav on 'Sketch: Muse' :)

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God bless you. :heart:
*MimoPhoto:iconMimoPhoto: Apr 21, 2008, 10:54:33 AM
thanks for the fav!

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~LouisDeGalian:iconLouisDeGalian: Apr 13, 2008, 12:26:48 AM
thanks for the favorite! ^^
~Kiyohei:iconKiyohei: Apr 12, 2008, 2:04:43 PM
Thanks for the fave. <3

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~shoppergurl:iconshoppergurl: Mar 23, 2008, 12:37:23 PM
Hey, I faved d your piece on, "Child Abuse." I thought that it was very realistic, and saddening.

It's a shame that children; are treated like rag dolls. :no::tears:

Keep up the marvelous work! :]

~Heather


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*aoisoyokaze:iconaoisoyokaze: Mar 4, 2008, 6:02:55 PM
^_^ thanks for stoppin' by, love. ^_^

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~Reanizon:iconReanizon: Feb 3, 2008, 8:32:18 AM
Thank you very much for the fav! :heart:
~crystalswitches:iconcrystalswitches: Jan 29, 2008, 3:22:46 PM
Thanks for the fav ^^ :hug:

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~xXLoveThatKillsXx:iconxXLoveThatKillsXx: Jan 23, 2008, 5:38:04 PM
thank you for the watch..
and the fav.
o.o
xD

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~lemonclock:iconlemonclock: Nov 20, 2007, 4:55:19 AM
You're welcome..
And thank you for the add. ^^

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~PensAndNeedles:iconPensAndNeedles: Sep 23, 2007, 4:46:42 AM
maybe so, but not by me =]
If you want to associate the things I have drawn with your idea of 'emo', then do so, many people would.
All I was trying to say, was put things in perspective, and what you said could easily of caused offence to those who have a serious problem with/addiction to cutting, many of whom who are/are labeled emo.
Also, many people who self harm are emo, but not all emo's self harm. It's a bad stereotype, and what you was saying was not only a petty problem, but encouraging bad stereotyping.
Just my opinion, but I stand strongly for what I believe =]
~juusan-kika:iconjuusan-kika: Sep 20, 2007, 4:19:18 PM
You are a hypocrite. Look at all these pictures you drew they have 'emo' written all over them.

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~LostInDreaming:iconLostInDreaming: Sep 5, 2007, 2:50:45 PM
Aaaaw! Placebo! :aww:

:heart:


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*wordworks:iconwordworks: Jul 25, 2007, 7:39:24 PM
Thank you for the watch. I really appreciate it. :)

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~sweetie-you-had-me:iconsweetie-you-had-me: Jul 2, 2007, 7:46:53 AM
Thank ya!

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~fallinginsane:iconfallinginsane: Apr 22, 2007, 7:14:26 PM
Thanks for the favourite. :)

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~zukosfire7:iconzukosfire7: Mar 25, 2007, 3:36:53 PM
Thanks for the :+fav: :glomp:

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~eevilprawn:iconeevilprawn: Mar 22, 2007, 1:12:34 PM
thank you for the watch! ^^

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~pixipatrin:iconpixipatrin: Mar 19, 2007, 7:06:54 PM
haha thanks for the :+devwatch: ... haven't got one of those for a while!

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~MasterShaman:iconMasterShaman: Mar 18, 2007, 2:07:10 PM
Hello random deviant! :D

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